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Jewish World Review Sept. 30, 2003 / 4 Tishrei, 5764

Argus Hamilton

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And now for the
important news ....


http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | Joe Lieberman accused Wesley Clark of joining the Democratic party out of political convenience, not conviction. It's possible. Wesley Clark voted for Richard Nixon, he voted for Ronald Reagan, and it's fair to assume that the Ike who is his hero didn't sing Proud Mary with his wife Tina.

Tammy Faye Bakker promoted her autobiography I Will Survive on the cable news shows last week. It could be the start of a new empire. Tammy Faye looked so good that the guy who does her makeup just got a no-bid contract to rebuild Baghdad.

Howard Dean surged to the lead in Democratic primary state polls Sunday. His appeal is wide. Iowa believes he's liberal, New Hampshire believes he's conservative, and Californians believe that because he's a doctor, he can prescribe marijuana for them.

Homeland Security Secretary Tom Ridge, responding to a growing threat, announced Monday that security has been tightened around the Statue of Liberty in New York harbor. It doesn't seem to have addressed the threat. They're coming in from Mexico.

The Galileo space probe ended its mission to Jupiter on Sunday. After dozens of orbits, it finally ran out of fuel. The craft landed on Jupiter, successfully ending its mission to find an atmosphere less poisonous than Gray Davis' attack ads.

Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck called off their celebrity- studded wedding in Santa Barbara two weeks ago and then broke up altogether. No one was surprised. In Hollywood, a successful marriage is whenever the couple leave the church together.

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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

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01/02/03:Annual Review of the Past Year's Mischief
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© 2002, Argus Hamilton