Jewish World Review Nov. 14, 2002 / 9 Kislev, 5763
important news ....
http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | Gennifer Flowers was allowed by a federal court Tuesday to proceed with her defamation suit against Hillary Clinton. It barely made the evening news. Compared to accusations of homosexual rape inside Buckingham Palace, adultery is so yesterday.
The Commerce Department said Tuesday that brisk Christmas retail sales could help end the recession. The first indicators are excellent. The Dow Jones rose one hundred points Tuesday when Winona Ryder was videotaped paying at the register.
Osama bin Laden is believed to be the voice on a tape released Monday. Audio experts said his voice is softer, slower and mellower. He could be recuperating in California because everybody sounds like that when they are on medical marijuana.
Minnesota Senator Dean Barkley arrived on Capitol Hill Monday accompanied by two dozen family members. It was an impressive debut. In just hours, Homeland Security was a done deal and West Virginia had two dozen new highway commissioners.
Jennifer Lopez told ABC Primetime she will marry Ben Affleck. Photographers will have a field day. The difference between an Iraqi underground storage bunker and Jennifer's wedding dress is that the bunker leaves a little something to the imagination.
Iraq tried to buy one million doses of nerve gas antidote Tuesday in case of war. It caused major unrest in Baghdad. The prospect of a nerve gas attack is bad enough, but the fifteen- dollar co-pay for the antidote has everybody gagging.
The White House said Monday it approved the CIA assassination of an al-Qaeda leader in Yemen using Hellfire missiles from a Predator drone. That's the good news. The bad news is the Beltway Sniper just changed his plea to Everybody Does It.