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Jewish World Review Sept. 19, 2003 / 22 Elul, 5763

Argus Hamilton

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And now for the
important news ....


http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | Las Vegas is reporting full employment due to booming business in the casino hotels. You can have rum on your breath, a glass eye or a hook for an arm, and they will give you a job. It may be at Treasure Island but they will give you a job.

Hurricane Isabel approached the Eastern Seaboard Wednesday causing the White House to close the federal government on Thursday. It worked out great. No one came to work in Washington yesterday and by the next morning the budget was balanced.

U.S. Treasury Secretary John Snow said Wednesday that Saudi Arabia is a strong partner in the war on terrorism. It's hard to argue. Ever since fifteen of them attacked New York, you can't help but be impressed by their slow but steady progress.

General Wesley Clark announced for president Tuesday in Little Rock with the backing of Senator Hillary Clinton. The poor guy has no idea that he's her vice president. Every October, tourists drive though Arkansas to watch the Clintons turn.

Bill Clinton spoke in Monterey Tuesday and left the door open on the chances his wife might run for president next year. It's an instinctive trait. He always leaves the door open, otherwise it creaks when he comes in at three in the morning.

Democratic presidential candidate John Kerry flew to California Wednesday to campaign at an event in support of embattled Governor Gray Davis. The two men appeared together in West Hollywood. It was a huge disappointment to their families.

Great white sharks were sighted near the Southern California coast last week, causing no small alarm. Several surfers drew bites. The Democrats insist that any leg that isn't bitten all the way through should count as a vote for Gray Davis.

Arnold Schwarzenegger was heckled Monday by a feminist group named Code Pink about old sexist statements. Yes, he did drugs and slept around in the 1970s in Los Angeles. He didn't want everyone in town to regard him as some kind of weirdo.

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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

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01/02/03:Annual Review of the Past Year's Mischief
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© 2002, Argus Hamilton