Jewish World Review Feb. 21, 2003 / 19 Adar I, 5763
Argus Hamilton
And now for the
important news ....
http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com |
The National Football League is holding its scouting combine
in Indianapolis this week. It determines how high players will be
drafted. Scouts are looking for speed, strength, size and the kind
of face that juries
are most likely to acquit.
Time magazine says U.S. troops will set chickens loose in the
battlefield to detect chemical attacks by Iraq. It's all the same
to the chickens. Whether they are captured by Saddam Hussein or by
Colonel Sanders, they get boiled in oil either way.
Kuwait News says Saddam Hussein sounded out Iran about safe
passage to Russia for political asylum. He'll have no trouble
finding work in Russia. Senior citizens who frequent Black Sea
cruise ships can't get enough of those Stalin impersonators.
Martin Sheen and a group of actors plan to stage a virtual
march on the White House. He said it will allow people to oppose
the war without getting off their couches. Due to the popularity
of reality TV shows, all the actors in Hollywood are on their couches.
Quecreek coal miner Randy Fogle on Wednesday became the
first of the nine miners rescued last summer to return to work. He
insisted he is not afraid he will die in the narrow underground
tunnel. Everyone agrees it's a better plan than duct tape.
Tom Ridge said all Americans should prepare for terrorist
attacks by stashing duct tape in the drawer. It's the newest
weapon in the arsenal against terror. Already the Democrats are
calling for duct tape registration and drawer safety locks.
Former House Democratic leader Dick Gephardt said Wednesday
he will run for the presidency. He lost the House in 1994 and he
failed to win it back in the next four elections. After his
announcement he got a call from Michael Jackson telling him to get
a grip on reality.
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© 2002, Argus Hamilton
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