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Jewish World Review June 10, 2003 / 10 Sivan, 5763

Argus Hamilton

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And now for the
important news ....


http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | Funny Cide failed to become the first gelding to win a Triple Crown Saturday in New York. It's amazing. The two big stories in sports last week were about a ballplayer with too much cork in his bat and a racehorse with not enough cork in his.

Chicago Cubs fans wildly cheered Sammy Sosa Sunday despite the corked bat charges and steroid suspicions. What a civics lesson for all of us. There is such a thing as law and order, there is something called playing by the rules, and then there's Chicago.

Hillary's Choice by Gail Sheehy will be made into a movie on the A & E Network. It's the story of the Clintons during their White House years. Animal rights activists say airing the movie is just a sneaky way to get around the ban on televised fox hunting and cockfighting.

Simon & Schuster announced Sunday that Hillary Clinton will go on a nationwide book tour this summer. Her itinerary includes the bookstore in Beverly Hills. Democrats believe if you are going to fight poverty, you've got to go to the source.

Hillary Clinton was interviewed by Barbara Walters Sunday night. She skillfully converted tough questions into self-serving platitudes. The last time any woman did this much spinning, she vowed she would never again ask Nick Nolte for a ride home to Malibu.

Barbara Walters asked Hillary Clinton what made her decide to stay with Bill after the Monica Lewinsky affair. She said ultimately she had to get down on her knees. When the jokes write themselves like this, it's the comedian's job to get out of the way.

Baghdad offered ten million barrels of oil for sale under U.S. supervision Friday. Americans will never again have to dilute gasoline to stretch it. What Californians love about post-war gas is, whenever you hit a pedestrian, he falls down.

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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

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01/02/03:Annual Review of the Past Year's Mischief
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© 2002, Argus Hamilton