Jewish World Review July 29, 2002 /20 Menachem-Av, 5762
important news ....
http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | Fox News says Michael Jackson is hundreds of millions of dollars in debt and being sued by his former business manager. His books are a hopeless mess. He could be the first entertainer to get his own star on the Wall Street Walk of Fame.
Democrat James Traficant was expelled from the House Wednesday. He is on his way to prison for bribery, extortion and tax evasion. The good news is, executive recruiters will know where to find him when they need to fill those CEO vacancies.
Congressman Jim Traficant was expelled from the House Wednesday for taking bribes. It was a hard thing to watch. He has fallen so far he was just fired off a phone commercial with Terry Bradshaw showing what you can still buy for a dollar.
Senate Democrats refused to pass the Energy Bill Thursday, hampering progress for oil drilling in northern Alaska. Environmentalists aren't the only roadblock. You can no longer drill through ice without the permission of Ted Williams' children.
Senator John McCain will host NBC's Saturday Night Live October 12th. It's a favor to the producer. The show hasn't decided which cast member does the best President Bush impression, so they've decided to use the one McCain attacks on sight.
Secret Service agents found a dead crow on the White House lawn Monday that had died from West Nile virus. It's killed dozens of birds in Washington. The last thing America needs is another Egyptian virus that has graduated from flight school.
Little League baseball teams in New Jersey are embroiled in a game-fixing scandal. This is New Jersey. You knew something was fishy when Tony Soprano had an alibi, Senator Bob Torricelli denied all wrongdoing, and Don King threw out the first pitch.
Ted Williams' daughter and son appeared in Citrus County court Wednesday and withdrew their request to settle their public feud over the Hall of Famer's remains. Their family resemblance is eerie. They both have their father's icy stare.
Harlem activist Al Sharpton sued HBO for Sunday's airing of an FBI videotape of him discussing a cocaine buy. There's one upside. If New York is awarded the 2012 Summer Olympic Games, Al Sharpton could bring home the gold in Crack and Field.
SEC Chairman Harvey Pitt suggested Wednesday that his job be elevated to cabinet level. Everyone's calling for him to resign, and he's suggesting a promotion and a raise. No one's sure what his favorite board game is, but we know it isn't Clue.
Treasury Secretary Paul O'Neill Wednesday abruptly canceled a scheduled trip to South America. The cancellation was ordered by President Bush. Between the stock market and his approval rating, he's got enough things going south this week.
President Bush fell in the polls Wednesday as Americans blamed his economic policies for the stock market. Politics is so like high school. Within the hour, Hillary Clinton was seen walking the hallways wearing Robert Rubin's letter jacket.
The Dow Jones soared 500 points Wednesday after five Adelphia board members were led away in handcuffs on national TV. The investing public is fine with that ratio. If the Dow Jones goes up 100 points for every CEO that gets arrested, we'll be at Dow 30,000 before the U.N. starts nagging us about prison overcrowding.
President Bush was relieved the stock market recovered Wednesday. He's worried about his parents. Another bad day, and George and Barbara could have been the first Episcopalians ever to do commercials for the $2.99 Grand Slam Breakfast at Denny's.
The American Nazi Party is hosting its annual World Congress this weekend in rural Pennsylvania. The timing was no accident. You didn't think a state visit to the United States by the president of Poland was going to go unanswered, did you?
Bill Clinton asked a federal court Friday to have the government reimburse his legal costs for Whitewater. This is one check that George W. Bush will happily sign. America has always felt that a great comedian is worth every penny.
Republicans denied Friday that they blocked Bill Clinton's attempts to reform Wall Street. No one disputes his efforts at reform. Every three weeks he was either telling Hillary or Africa or the American people that this will never happen again.