Jewish World Review June 30, 2003 / 30 Sivan, 5763
Argus Hamilton
And now for the
important news ....
http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com |
The U.S. birthrate fell to an all-time low last year
according to the government. Experts cite three reasons--
abstinence programs, access to birth control, and less pressure on
men in the last two years to keep up with the president.
The Abstinence Clearinghouse held a convention in Las Vegas
last weekend. Youth leaders, teachers, and health workers met to
promote sexual abstinence. There's just nothing like a field trip
to the Liberace Museum to scare you out of the mood.
Strom Thurmond died Thursday at age 100 after being in poor
health in recent weeks. The greatly loved senator had the
Republican Party's interest at heart all the way to the end. His
last request was that Trent Lott not deliver the eulogy.
Democratic candidates discussed environmental issues with
UCLA students last Thursday. They discussed diversity, equality
and responsible stewardship of the earth. Los Angeles is six
hundred square miles surrounded on four sides by reality.
Governor Gray Davis faces a certain recall election this
fall. He shouldn't worry about losing his job. After twenty years
of declining test scores, how in the world is Arnold
Schwarzenegger going to be a write-in candidate in California?
An Iraqi scientist Wednesday showed U.S. troops nuclear
materials he buried in his back yard under a rose bush. It had to
happen. You know this president is leading a charmed life when
nuclear materials are discovered in Baghdad by Rose Bush.
President Bush convinced Europe Wednesday to join his ban on
nuclear weapons in Iran. It's the wrong approach. There are three
ways to make sure something gets done: do it yourself, employ
someone to do it, or forbid a Mullah from doing it.
Democrats held a fundraiser Wednesday and raised $1.7
million. It's for the eventual presidential nominee. The eventual
presidential nominee thanked them for the token gesture but said
she doesn't cross the street for less than $8 million.
Kentucky Fried Chicken fired Jason Alexander as KFC pitchman
for criticizing their treatment of chickens. They say there is
nothing inhumane in the way they prepare their chickens. They just
tell them straight out that they are going to die.
Steven Spielberg was reported Tuesday to get two percent of
all ticket sales at Universal theme parks. He's got the touch. Two
years ago Steven Spielberg had a kidney removed and it grossed
sixty million dollars the first weekend it was out.
Bill Clinton criticized President Bush on Wednesday for
erasing the progress that was made during his presidency. The
progress was indeed measurable. After Bill Clinton lied under oath
to hide an adulterous affair, the House impeached him, Arkansas
revoked his law license, and Los Angeles named a street after him.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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01/02/03:Annual Review of the Past Year's Mischief
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© 2002, Argus Hamilton
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