Jewish World Review March 26, 2003 / 22 Adar II, 5763
Argus Hamilton
And now for the
important news ....
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Tiger Woods could barely hold his winner's check Sunday due
to food poisoning that hit him and his beautiful Swedish
girlfriend. It's so sad. Someday when he wants to tell his
grandkids how rough he had it, this will be the only story he has.
The NCAA basketball tourney got low TV ratings on CBS last
week. They didn't invite the right team. College basketball is fun
to watch, but it can't compete with a televised war unless Bobby
Knight's sitting courtside next to an empty chair.
The War in Iraq drew huge TV ratings and advertisers
returned to sponsor war coverage Monday. Car commercials are
everywhere. It escaped no one's notice that the closer the troops
get to Baghdad the less emphasis there is on good gas mileage.
Saddam Hussein gave a videotaped speech to the world Sunday
that failed to answer if he's dead or alive. The video looked a
little suspicious. There was so much editing that Saddam Hussein
is claiming he did his own singing and dancing.
The White House prepared to ask Congress for $75 billion to
pay for the war in Iraq. The estimate is based on a thirty-day
war. Taxpayers would feel a lot better about this expedition if
the funding didn't sound like a mattress guarantee.
A Paris firm Monday began selling marked packages of
pretzels for the French people to send to President Bush at the
White House. They'll be sorry. The last country that tried to kill
one of our President Bushes is currently under invasion.
Oklahoma was used Monday for a U.S. bio-terrorism test. They
wondered if radar could pick up a mixture of clay, water and
alcohol dropped from a crop duster. It's the first time classes
were ever called off at OU because it was raining Coors.
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© 2002, Argus Hamilton
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