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Jewish World Review April 16, 2002 / 5 Iyar, 5762

Argus Hamilton

Hamilton
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Consumer Reports


And now for the
important news ....


http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | Tiger Woods won his third Masters at Augusta National in Georgia on Sunday. Already there's controversy. Two faculty members at Harvard just calculated that having three Masters entitles Tiger Woods to $129,000 in slavery reparations.

The National Football League holds its annual college player draft Saturday. Every year, NFL scouts evaluate each prospect's speed, agility and strength. Then they draft the ones jury consultants tell them are most likely to be acquitted.

Jane Fonda dedicated the Oak Haven Home for Unwed Mothers in Dalton, Georgia, on Sunday. It's a nationwide problem. This spring, one-fourth of the girls at Los Angeles high schools are going to the Senior Prom with their Lamaze instructors.

Bill Clinton took a job Thursday with a Los Angeles investment firm. It was inevitable. After he lied under oath to hide an adulterous affair, Washington impeached him, Arkansas took away his law license, and Los Angeles named a street after him.

The Washington Post said President Bush's budget is the largest since Lyndon Johnson's Great Society. There are even more parallels. George Hamilton is still willing to date one of the president's daughters if it will keep him out of the war.

Venezuela's President Hugo Chavez seized back his office Saturday after a coup by American interests failed. It's pathetic. At the CIA softball game Sunday, one of the outfielders got a standing ovation for successfully overthrowing the cutoff man.

Palestinian leaders Sunday accused Prime Minister Ariel Sharon of trying to colonize the West Bank and called Israel a racist regime. Their grievances are very real. The Palestinians are sick and tired of always having to blow up the back of the bus.

Colin Powell met Yasser Arafat at his West Bank compound Sunday. It took him hours to get through security. In a country where half the population is a young man of Middle Eastern descent, you can imagine how long the line is at the metal detectors.



JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

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© 2002, Argus Hamilton