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Jewish World Review May 22, 2003 / 20 Iyar, 5763

Argus Hamilton

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And now for the
important news ....


http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | LeBron James was reportedly set Monday to ink a $150 million shoe deal. He's still in high school. LeBron James must be the only kid in America who carries a transistor radio to class just so he can follow the progress on the Bush tax cuts.

John Kerry admitted to reporters it took him five years to graduate from high school. There's no shame in that. When a guy is voted by his classmates Most Likely to Marry a Wealthy Widow, he needs an extra prom to polish his rumba skills.

Bill Clinton flies to Boston next week to make a speech at Harvard. Wouldn't you know, he will address the students who attend the John F. Kennedy School of Government. It's the only school in America that offers extra credit for cheating.

Alabama will use the image of a beer-drinking pig on billboards for tourism ads. How very odd. If the state has so much affection for drunken pigs, it's no wonder their football coaches don't see the harm in a couple of lap dancers and a hotel room.

The Moonlight Bunny Ranch and Brothel in Nevada hosted an official delegation from six Asian nations last weekend. Talk about wandering off-message. This is a place where you're far more likely to hear about protection than you are free trade.

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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

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© 2002, Argus Hamilton