Argus Hamilton

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And now for the
important news ....

http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | Saddam Hussein told reporters Monday he has no desire to steal land from Iran and Kuwait. He can't help himself. Even the shirt he was wearing at the press briefing was a little something Winona Ryder had picked up for him in Beverly Hills.

U.S. Airways announced Monday the airline is grounding several thousand pilots due to flight cutbacks this year. The union is protesting. The airline insists the decision was financial and not due to pressure from Mothers Against Drunk Pilots.

President Bush on Wednesday proposed a series of deadlines for the Senate to meet when voting to confirm his nominated judges. How bad is the shortage? The Beltway sniper case may wind up in the first jurisdiction that can scare up a judge.

The Anaheim Angels had a parade at Disneyland Tuesday for winning the World Series. They set a record for most number of come-from-behind wins. The word on the street is that Saddam Hussein just ordered five hundred thousand Rally Monkeys.

TV executives pledged Thursday to exercise extreme caution in their election coverage Tuesday night.

Everyone expects a close race in Minnesota. The networks are promising not call the results of any race until all of the caskets have closed.

Minnesota Democrats nominated Walter Mondale for the U.S. Senate Wednesday. No one wants to say the fix was in, but he got one hundred percent of the vote. To express his thanks he issued a general amnesty and freed every prisoner in Minnesota.

Governor Jesse Ventura was livid after the Paul Wellstone memorial. He said it made him feel used and violated and duped. What is it about being in the same room with Bill Clinton that makes people come out the next morning and say that?

JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

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