Jewish World Review August 7, 2003 / 9 Menachem-Av, 5763
Argus Hamilton
And now for the
important news ....
http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com |
Jennifer Lopez endured the biggest bomb of her movie career
with the release of Gigli last weekend. How bad were the numbers?
President Bush stood in front of the box office with a bullhorn
Monday and promised we will get whoever did this.
Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban predicted Monday the Kobe
Bryant rape trial would be good for business in the NBA. It
already is. The hottest gift item on the Denver Nuggets web site
is the Los Angeles Lakers souvenir pepper spray keychain.
Arnold Schwarzenegger went on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno
last night to announce his intentions in the race for governor of
California. He doesn't want to be involved with the recall
election. His agent told him never to do another comedy.
Governor Gray Davis sought labor help in Chicago Monday as
the recall effort gained momentum. He needs a makeover. Until Gray
Davis learns to smile and joke and cheat on his wife, the
electricity shortage will continue to plague his career.
Saddam Hussein's daughters were interviewed on Arab TV and
said their father is a wonderful man. They have completely
forgiven him for having their husbands executed. This Kobe Bryant
story has convinced them he was probably right all along.
The Pentagon issued new photos of Saddam Hussein to assist
the manhunt. It's getting exciting. Saddam Hussein is desperately
trying to work his way to where he would be safe from U.S.
justice, but crossing into Saudi Arabia is tough in August.
Al Gore arranged to make a speech today at New York
University. He plans to speak about Iraq to an anti-war group.
He's challenging the conventional wisdom that the Democratic
presidential candidates couldn't possibly be more boring.
New Jersey passed a law against sleep-deprived driving on
Monday. Anyone who crashes their car while asleep at the wheel
goes to prison. This disqualifies Joe Lieberman from ever giving
the response to the president's weekly radio address.
Democrat Dick Gephardt won Teamsters Union and United
Steelworkers of America union backing in Chicago Monday. Union
leaders are different today. They no longer threaten to break
people's legs to get their point across, they promise anyone who
votes for Free Trade really good parking spots for the rest of
their lives.
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© 2002, Argus Hamilton
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