Jewish World Review Nov. 15, 2002 / 10 Kislev, 5763
Argus Hamilton
And now for the important news ....
http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com |
Fed Chairman Alan Greenspan testified before Congress
Wednesday and said the economy has hit a soft spot. Times are
tough all over. On Monday, Winona Ryder was videotaped being
stopped by security guards as she walked out of Pic 'N' Save.
Congress voted 299-121 Wednesday to pass the Homeland
Security bill. It will combine the Coast Guard, the INS and
Customs, and it will allow airline pilots to carry guns inside the
cockpit. Until now they were only allowed to carry tequila shooters.
The Democratic Party announced on Wednesday it will hold its
2004 convention in Boston rather than New York. The decision was
considered a victory for Teddy Kennedy and a defeat for Bill
Clinton. Score one for alcohol and deduct one for sex.
Osama bin Laden was believed by voice experts to be the
voice on an audiotape released Monday. It couldn't have come at a
worse time. He took credit for so many acts of terrorism, the
pretext for invading Iraq is now unpaid parking tickets at the U.N.
Saddam Hussein agreed to U.N. inspections Wednesday to try to
avoid invasion. He's far from off the hook. You know the infantry
is on its way when the top-selling Christmas album in America is
recorded by something called the Mannheim Steamroller.
Queen Elizabeth proposed legislation Wednesday to curb anti-
social behavior. She should have known there was a problem. The
instructional video for all royal servants includes etiquette,
napkin placements, and the rape scene from Deliverance.
JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements,
please click here.
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© 2002, Argus Hamilton
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