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Jewish World Review July 2, 2002 / 22 Tamuz, 5762

Argus Hamilton

Hamilton
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Consumer Reports


And now for the
important news ....


http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | President Bush underwent a medical procedure on his digestive tract Saturday to look for colon polyps, and nothing was found. He's had this procedure before. It was done two years ago but the Democrats couldn't find anything except an old DUI.

Bill Clinton spoke to a business group in Colombia on Friday. He charged the group $100,000. It's nice to have somebody bringing home some of those dollars America lost during the Disco Era, even if it's a hundred thousand rolled-up ones.

President Bush signed a law Friday to reduce paperwork for small businesses. It helps new small companies that can't handle the burden of government forms. This should really help America's two newest small businesses, Xerox and WorldCom.

WorldCom just admitted lying about their profits by $4 billion. They follow Rite-Aid, Tyco and Enron down the tubes. When al-Qaeda vowed to destroy America's financial institutions last year, they had no idea the competition they'd be facing.

Walt Disney Company corrected a math error Friday relating to new accounting rules. They're very strict. It turns out Snow White only gets credit for Five Dwarfs, subtracting the expense of Sneezy's absenteeism and Happy's Prozac payouts.

North Korea sank a South Korean patrol boat Saturday, which the U.S. described as a serious violation of the 1953 Armistice Agreement. North Korea has missiles that could destroy the Hyundai factory in Seoul in fifteen minutes. That would make this the first war in history that saved lives in the long run.

North Korea's attack on a South Korean patrol boat Saturday has the world on edge. It could trigger a wider war. There must be one hundred thousand Germans in South Korea for the World Cup and for two weeks they've been drinking beer until midnight and singing I Saw France Last Night and Got that Old Feeling.



JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

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© 2002, Argus Hamilton