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Jewish World Review May 3, 2002 / 21 Iyar, 5762

Argus Hamilton

Hamilton
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Consumer Reports


And now for the
important news ....


http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | North Korea denied published reports Wednesday that it invited Bill Clinton to mediate nuclear talks with Washington. The White House turned down Bill Clinton's offer to mediate in the Mideast. Elvis wasn't put on this earth to cool people off.

Al Gore raised money for Governor Gray Davis in California Monday. Residents were urged to use appliances late at night and turn off extra lights. Al Gore and Gray Davis together in the same room is the mother of all electricity shortages.

President Bush urged Congress Tuesday to cut back on their spending projects to prevent a return to runaway federal deficits. Right now the lawmakers are way over budget. Congress is living proof that you can't trust a dog to watch your food.

President Bush met China's Vice President Hu Jintao Wednesday and said he is confident our countries can resolve our differences over Taiwan and human rights. Why shouldn't the president be confident? Just the day before, he wielded the diplomatic and military might of the United States to get Yasser Arafat a hot shower.

U.S. forces backed an allied assault Wednesday in western Pakistan. Official reports said Taliban fighters were assaulted by the British, by Canadians and by others. The term others is a diplomatic nicety commonly understood to mean Germans.

The Palestinian Authority admitted Wednesday their losses at the Jenin battle site were less than claimed. What was first described as a death toll of 500 turned out to be 56. Whose idea was it to hire Arthur Andersen to count casualties?

French workers marched against Jean-Marie Le Pen's presidential candidacy on Wednesday. They must choose Sunday between a conservative and a right-wing thug. The winner becomes president of France and the loser becomes governor of Minnesota.



JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

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© 2002, Argus Hamilton