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Jewish World Review April 10, 2003 / 8 Nisan, 5763

Argus Hamilton

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And now for the
important news ....


http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | General Motors canceled all production of electric cars Tuesday. The fleet will be sent to museums. Other than a ticker- tape parade for the troops, there will never be a clearer indication that America has officially won the war in Iraq.

Iraqi Information Minister Mohammed Sayeed al-Sahhaf stood his ground Tuesday and denied U.S. tanks were in Baghdad while they fired on his building. He is paid a lot of money to deny the undeniable. His American counterpart is Johnnie Cochran.

The U.S. dropped four bunker-buster bombs on a Baghdad restaurant on Monday in an attempt to kill Saddam Hussein and his sons. The explosion could be seen ten miles away. Now Donald Rumsfeld faces a war crimes trial for smoking in a restaurant.

Martha Burk lost her appeal in federal court Tuesday to allow her to protest at Augusta National's gate. Lots of women think that a club for men is a good idea. Hillary Clinton used a six-iron on her man and got a U.S. Senate seat out of it.

Senator John Edwards told Iowa that he's working on a plan to provide health insurance to forty million Americans who don't have it. He's a trial lawyer. No one knows how much his plan is going to cost because he's billing us by the hour.

The New York Yankees opened at Yankee Stadium Wednesday despite the previous day's blizzard. The ground crew was forced to spend two hours scraping the snow off the grass. It was like sifting through one of Darryl Strawberry's old shoeboxes.

The American Medical Association Journal profiled the emotional problems of the growing number of obese children in the United States. Obesity has become a national emergency. Children are so overweight the kidnappers can barely carry them.

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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

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© 2002, Argus Hamilton