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Jewish World Review March 21, 2002 / 8 Nisan, 5762

Argus Hamilton

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And now for the
important news .... | The Supreme Court heard arguments on whether an Oklahoma school district can require drug tests for school choir members. The school district has a strong case. Did you ever notice that every singer profiled on Biography has a drug problem?

Darryl Strawberry was kicked out of drug and alcohol rehab and arrested last week. However, it wasn't all bad news for the former slugger. On Monday night he became the first baseball player ever inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

France warned the U.S. Tuesday not to execute Zacarias Moussaoui because he is a French citizen. They don't believe in the death penalty. If you have ever seen the French Army in battle, you know that no people are more actively pro-life.

President Bush urged the Senate to pass amnesty for illegal aliens so he can show Mexico evidence of our compassion. He also pushed relief for Americans out of work. He's acting so much like Bill Clinton, Laura just hired a private detective.

Great Britain sent combat troops to Afghanistan Monday to fight Al Qaeda and Taliban forces. Let's hope they can adjust to the local conditions. The British would have won the Revolutionary War, but they insisted on wearing red in the woods.

The Academy Awards ceremony will be held in Hollywood Sunday. Thank goodness the accounting firm of PriceWaterhouse does the tabulating. If Arthur Andersen counted the votes, Ken Lay would win for his performance in Now's the Time to Buy.

Illinois voters went to the polls Tuesday in a primary election highlighted by bitter gubernatorial races in both major political parties. Election Day in Chicago is enjoyed worldwide. It's celebrated in Mexico as the Day of the Dead.

Cardinal Bernard Law is besieged over all the sex scandals involving priests in his archdiocese. The government is getting involved. This week, the National Guard was pulled away from U.S. airports and flown to Boston to secure the altar boys.

JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.


© 2002, Argus Hamilton