Jewish World Review March 14, 2002 / Rosh Chodesh Nisan, 5762
important news ....
http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | David Letterman announced Monday he's decided to stay with CBS and turn down ABC's offer to replace Nightline. His new contract is huge. He's making so much money that from now on he can afford to buy all his jokes from Pentagon contractors.
ABC News president David Westin declared that ABC News must prove its value to corporate bosses now. They were all very nearly thrown out of their offices and replaced by a comedian. Only George and Barbara Bush can say they've been there.
NBC News reported Monday the population growth rate is declining in America. Experts cite two reasons. More women are using birth control and in the last eighteen months, there's has been less pressure on men to keep up with the president.
Hillary Clinton finished a close second in the Democratic presidential polls Tuesday. A camera crew is following her at every public appearance in case she needs to make a campaign film. Republicans call this film the Blonde Witch Project.
Darryl Strawberry was arrested on his 40th birthday for violating the terms of his court-ordered treatment program. This is a great time for him to turn things around. If he can quit on his 40th birthday he could still become president.
Dick Cheney flew to Jordan where he visited with King Abdullah at his palace Tuesday. The hospitality is unmatched in that region. Last night at Dick Cheney's hotel, the maid turned down his bed and left a chocolate hand grenade on the pillow.
The White House ordered the Pentagon to develop a nuclear plan of attack on Libya, Iraq, Syria, Iran, China, Russia and North Korea. It's a bit of a shock. George W. Bush promised he was going to restore honor and dignity to the White House, he didn't tell us he was going to make Harry Truman look like Mahatma Gandhi.
Mike Tyson passed a hearing to fight in Washington D.C. this June. The panel overlooked his sexual misconduct, his questionable mental state and his arrest record and allowed him to box in the nation's capital. The feeling was, when in Rome.