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Jewish World Review Feb. 20, 2003 / 18 Adar I, 5763

Argus Hamilton

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And now for the
important news ....


http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | Joe Millionaire proposed to a schoolteacher in the season finale Monday. She was stunned to hear that he deceived her about everything. She held in her hand a report from Hans Blix certifying that Evan Marriott had just inherited $50 million.

Heidi Fleiss released her autobiography titled Panderings about her career as the famous Beverly Hills Madam. It includes a photo of her engraved invitation to President Clinton's 1993 Inaugural Ball. It lends the book an air of credibility.

French President Jacques Chirac attacked European nations who back U.S. policy in Iraq. He has painted his country into a corner. The difference between France and Michael Jackson is there's still a remote chance that Michael Jackson can save face.

Kofi Annan warned Saddam Hussein Monday to move fast to avoid war. He didn't need to be told. All week long Saddam's been busy painting tunnel entrances on the sides of mountains in what his research shows is the best way to avoid capture.

The Democratic National Committee holds its annual winter meeting today in Washington to plan strategy for the next election. The proliferation of Democratic presidential candidates is creating a crisis. Iowans are already complaining about the way they hop around on their lawns and eat up their gardens.

Democratic presidential candidate Dennis Kucinich told Iowans on Monday that he would be a people's president and live in a worker's White House. He declared that he's a liberal who's pro- peace, pro-universal health care and pro-labor. Compared to Dennis Kucinich, Al Sharpton is the candidate of the Angry White Male.

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© 2002, Argus Hamilton