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Jewish World Review June 5, 2003 / 5 Sivan, 5763

Argus Hamilton

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Consumer Reports


And now for the
important news ....


http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | Miss Dominican Republic won the Miss Universe Pageant Tuesday in Panama. The competition among the seventy contestants was fierce. It's nice to know there are some places in this world where it still means something to be Mrs. Donald Trump.

A San Diego high school staged a musical based on the Winona Ryder case Friday and caused a national media sensation. The students are in real trouble now. When they go into withdrawal from nationwide publicity, they will wish they had tried heroin instead.

NFL Commissioner Paul Tagliabue told Pasadena officials Monday the NFL might move a team there. Adjusting will be no problem. In two or three concussions, the football players will sound like they have lived in Los Angeles all their lives.

Hillary Clinton told reporters Monday she's too busy being a U.S. senator to run for president. Being a senator requires no talent. Every fifteen minutes, someone gets up to speak and says nothing, nobody listens, then everybody disagrees.

Saddam Hussein remained invisible Monday after he made his weapons of mass destruction vanish into thin air. This man is just a white tiger away from having a job for life on the Las Vegas stage. We already know he can saw a woman in half.

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© 2002, Argus Hamilton