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Jewish World Review Feb. 27, 2003 / 25 Adar I, 5763

Argus Hamilton

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And now for the
important news ....


http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | Saddam Hussein was interviewed Wednesday by Dan Rather on CBS' 60 Minutes. He refused to allow any camera shots inside or outside the presidential palace in Iraq. Saddam Hussein is so paranoid that his stationary bike has a rear-view mirror.

Tony Blair told Parliament Tuesday that Britain won't rush the U.N. resolution to use force in Iraq. He said Saddam Hussein has one further final chance. Until now, only Robert Downey, Jr. was given more chances to give up his chemical weapons.

Jack Nicklaus demanded Tuesday that the PGA Tour issue a standard golf ball which doesn't carry off the tee like the brand- new Titleist. The length is ridiculous. If these golf balls flew any further Saddam Hussein would be hitting them at Israel.

The National Governors Conference demanded White House help Monday for budget shortages. It's time for desperate measures. To get money out of Washington for education, health care and border security, Michigan just changed its name to Turkey.

The White House gave Turkey $26 billion for use of its territory. Last year it was Afghanistan that got all the goodies. Colombian rebels may keep taking U.S. hostages until the heroin countries stop getting preference over the cocaine countries.

The U.S. Supreme Court agreed to consider if alcoholics and drug users qualify for protection under the Americans With Disabilities Act. Talk about selfish. Pro football players already get all the best-looking women and now they want the best parking spots.

A Chicago judge banned the release of a surveillance video of people leaving Epitome nightclub in last week's melee. The tape shows panic-stricken people trying to get out as fast as possible. It looks like the French Army advancing on Baghdad.

The Los Angeles Times covered the plight of monkeys who are tanned for coats and eaten in Indonesia. Protesters are livid. Activists are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it is safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs.

Colin Powell in South Korea Tuesday calmly disregarded North Korea's missile test the day before. The communist government assured the world that they fire all their missiles into the ocean. No one is upset about it except Carnival Cruises.

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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

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© 2002, Argus Hamilton