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Jewish World Review June 13, 2002 / 3 Tamuz, 5762

Argus Hamilton

Hamilton
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Consumer Reports


And now for the
important news ....


http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | The General Accounting Office said Tuesday that Clinton staffers did $10,000 worth of damage to the White House the day they departed last year, including a stolen presidential seal. That wasn't vandalism. To this day, Al Gore honestly believes it's his.

President Bush spoke to a Missouri crowd Tuesday about Homeland Security. He got a huge round of applause when he threatened to fire any government workers who fail to do their jobs. Until now, those were a postal supervisor's last words.

Congress grilled Richard Clarke Tuesday about anti-terrorism efforts which he supervised for the Clinton administration. Everyone knew at the time there were dark and powerful forces out to destroy the White House. Doctors call them hormones.

John Gotti was eulogized in New York Tuesday as the city's first media Mafia don. He also ran a very tight ship. It's hard not to notice that the moment New York businesses stopped paying John Gotti protection money, the city was attacked.

Attorney General John Ashcroft unveiled a radioactive bomb plot by al-Qaeda on Monday in Moscow. He was in the wrong country. If John Ashcroft wants to find out how to keep a police state from being thrown out of office he should be in Cuba.

The FBI arrested former Chicago gang member Jose Padilla for plotting terrorists acts inside the U.S. He spent some time in jail for road rage in Florida. Every waiter in Brentwood is grateful that another one is off the streets.

Jose Padilla was recruited by al-Qaeda to detonate a radioactive bomb in a U.S. city. Newspaper reaction was swift. The L.A. Times described the damage it would do to the ozone, the Wall Street Journal reported it was spooking the markets, and USA Today applauded al-Qaeda's inclusion of Hispanics into their organization.

Woody Allen settled his $12 million lawsuit against his movie co-producer on Tuesday. He's sure to savor the victory. It's not often that a man who marries his step-daughter is granted the moral high ground outside the Jerry Springer Show.



JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

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© 2002, Argus Hamilton