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Jewish World Review Dec. 6, 2002 / 1 Teves, 5763

Argus Hamilton

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Consumer Reports


And now for the
important news ....


http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | Whitney Houston told Diane Sawyer Wednesday she smokes pot and snorts cocaine and thinks she's addicted to making love. Don't you love show business? It only took a week for someone to make Michael Jackson look like he's got his act together.

President Bush will propose Social Security private investment accounts for young people in January. Democrats oppose putting Social Security money into mutual fund companies. Don't even get Hillary Clinton started on the subject of Fidelity.

North Korea said Wednesday it will never allow U.N. inspections. This country has unlimited police power and no free speech. If North Korea belonged to the Writers Guild, we would owe them royalties for the Department of Homeland Security.

The Al Jazeera TV network announced Wednesday it received a fax from Taliban leader Mullah Omar. The terrorist was trying to get on the public's good side. He's claiming that al-Qaeda trained the spider that bit Michael Jackson in the foot.

Al Gore on Monday polled thirty points ahead of the field for the Democratic presidential nomination in 2004. The only question is, who will be his running mate? It's generally agreed that an animate object would bring balance to the ticket.

The New York Times refused to publish two sports columns last week defending Tiger Woods' decision to stay out of the Augusta membership flap. The writers got off easy. Deviation from the party line is a hanging offense under Soviet law.

San Francisco's U.S. Court of Appeals ruled on Wednesday that a schoolgirl's father can sue the school system over the Pledge of Allegiance because it mentions the Creator. The father is an atheist. His favorite holiday movie is Coincidence on 34th Street.



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© 2002, Argus Hamilton