Jewish World Review Sept. 17, 2003 / 20 Elul, 5763
Argus Hamilton
And now for the
important news ....
http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com |
The Dallas Cowboys beat the New York Giants on Monday in a
overtime thriller in a rainstorm. It was a great night for the
whole team. The offense moved, the defense stood firm, and the
moisture made Jerry Jones look three procedures younger.
The U.S. Court of Appeals in San Francisco delayed the
California recall election in a setback for Arnold Schwarzenegger.
It's the same court that banned the Pledge of Allegiance to
mollify atheists. First they outlawed the Creator and now they are going
after Mr. Universe.
The U.S. Court of Appeals stayed the California recall until
everyone has touch screen voting. This changes everything. In
order to have an edge with touch screen voters, Gray Davis plans
to change his name to Press Here to Withdraw Cash.
California Democrats said Monday that punchcard ballots
disenfranchise black voters. This reeks of paternalism. Apparently
Democrats think that the same race that has held the heavyweight
boxing title since 1959 cannot punch a hole in a card.
France offered Sunday to aid in Iraq if the U.S. leaves in
thirty days. Things are chilly. Lafayette Park is right across the
street from the White House, and France is just lucky the
president thinks it was named for the Father of South Korea.
Osama bin Laden was hunted by U.S. Army Rangers in the
Pakistan mountains beginning this week. He uses couriers for good
reason. The fugitive terrorist can't stand hiking from one
mountain to another asking the home office if they can hear him now.
President Bush lobbied Monday to ease restrictions on power
plant emissions in Michigan. A little pollution is good. Now that
Bill Clinton is sucking all the oxygen out of the news, people in
L.A. are grateful they are trained to breathe sulfur.
Maria Shriver covered Arnold Schwarzenegger's mouth on the
Oprah Winfrey Show as he began discussing womanizing. Her response
was ingrained. Maria Shriver is confirming a new theory among
Freudians who say beautiful women marry their uncles.
Bill Clinton dedicated an elementary school named after him
in Los Angeles on Monday. It's his idea of a grade school. The
boys and girls were issued little black books and were encouraged
to grade each other on a scale of one-to-five stars.
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© 2002, Argus Hamilton
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