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Jewish World Review July 11, 2002 /2 Menachem-Av, 5762

Argus Hamilton

Hamilton
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Consumer Reports


And now for the
important news ....


http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | The Weather Channel reports a brutal heat wave struck the American Southwest this week. Record-high temperatures are making life intolerable. Yesterday it was so hot in Scottsdale that people tried to cool off by going to Ted Williams' funeral.

Ted Williams was cryogenically frozen after his death last week and flown to Scottsdale for storage. Baseball will never forget him. At the All-Star game in Milwaukee Tuesday night, the number-one selling drink was the Long Island Iced Ted.

The New York Post says Bill Clinton had a secret date with TV host Charlotte Dawson in New Zealand. It's no secret what's going on. He always spends August apologizing to Hillary at Martha's Vineyard and he wanted to get his money's worth.

The NAACP ripped President Bush over his civil rights record Monday. It's no surprise. How well can he be expected to get along with the NAACP when his last job in the private sector involved buying and selling people for the Texas Rangers?

Janet Reno will host a Miami fund-raiser called Janet Reno's Dance Party. She has a new dance named after her. You put your right hand over your right eye, you put your left hand over your left eye, and then you clear Al Gore of all wrongdoing.

The Senate okayed the Yucca Mountain site in Nevada to store all the nuclear waste in the United States. On the same day, Nevada scheduled a vote to legalize pot. It is no secret that marijuana relieves the nausea you get from radiation exposure.

Judicial Watch filed suit against Halliburton and its former CEO Dick Cheney for accounting fraud. It claims the company inflated its earnings and duped investors. The only question now is, will Lynne Cheney agree to pose with the Women of Halliburton?

Los Angeles Airport beefed up security this week in the wake of the July 4th shootings. Yesterday, two men were arrested for being passed out on the floor of a major terminal. It looked like a perfect three-point landing for America West.



JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

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© 2002, Argus Hamilton