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Jewish World Review August 5, 2003 / 7 Menachem-Av, 5763

Argus Hamilton

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And now for the
important news ....


http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | Former Minnesota governor Jesse Ventura was honored Saturday by wrestling fans in Iowa. He received a positive image award that is richly deserved. Jesse Ventura took American politics and raised it to the level of professional wrestling.

Arnold Schwarzenegger is expected to drop out of the California governor's race on the Tonight Show Wednesday. His wife Maria Shriver doesn't want gossip about his womanizing to surface. She thinks a sex scandal could ruin the good name of Kennedy.

Mike Tyson filed for Chapter Eleven protection in U.S. bankruptcy court in New York Friday. The boxer squandered $300 million. He's also in trouble with the IRS for failing to report the money he earned tutoring NBA stars on how to wreck their careers.

Uday and Qusay Hussein were buried Saturday after dying in a shoot-out with U.S. forces. Four guys in a house held off the 101st Airborne for six hours. Crack dealers in America say if they had the power, they would put these guys on the Wheaties box.

The Pentagon released photos of what Saddam Hussein probably looks like after four months on the run. His hair is much grayer. One look at the photos and it's apparent that he has been touching up his hair with Just for Brutal Men.

Texas Senate Democrats remained in New Mexico last weekend, once again denying Republicans a quorum just as they did when they fled to Oklahoma in May. They had to flee north and west. Louisiana's put too many governors in jail for Democrats to take a chance there.

Los Angeles endured a week of tensions after a jury failed to convict a white cop caught on videotape beating a black kid. It's touchy. Filling stations in South Central are selling three grades of gasoline: Regular, Unleaded, and Burn, Baby, Burn.

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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

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01/02/03:Annual Review of the Past Year's Mischief
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© 2002, Argus Hamilton