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Jewish World Review Dec. 13, 2002 / 8 Teves, 5763

Argus Hamilton

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Consumer Reports


And now for the
important news ....


http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | Tour de France champ Lance Armstrong was named Athlete of the Year by Sports Illustrated Tuesday. He's the greatest bicyclist in history. He is sponsored by the U.S. Postal Service because it always takes him two weeks to get from Paris to Paris.

Cardinal Bernard Law of Boston was asked to resign Tuesday by a Catholic lay group. He overlooked hundreds of cases of sexual impropriety so the charges would not hurt anyone's career. The job of U.S. Senate Chaplain is his for the asking.

Trent Lott was crucified by Democrats for jokingly endorsing Strom Thurmond's presidential campaign in 1948. It was a different country back then. By a narrow margin, American voters rejected the South Carolina segregationist for the Klansman from Missouri.

Democratic presidential hopeful Al Sharpton of Harlem urged Trent Lott to step down from his post as Majority Leader. Republicans can't demote him. It won't erase any images of the Old South if Trent Lott's next job is Minority Whip.

Congress issued its panel's final report on September 11th intelligence failures. It recommends creating a Director of National Intelligence. If we had any national intelligence, we wouldn't need a computer to pick our college football champion.

The U.S. halted a North Korean ship Monday that was carrying Scud missiles to Yemen, and then allowed the shipment to proceed anyway. It makes absolutely no sense. Trusting Yemen with Scud missiles is like having Whitney Houston drive you home from the Betty Ford Center and thinking you're never going to get bombed again.

Tony Blair's wife Cherie admitted in London Tuesday she unknowingly employed a con man to negotiate two apartment purchases that saved her thousands of dollars. What is it about lawyer first ladies? When Hillary Clinton was just a twelve-year- old girl playing church softball, she led the league in crooked real estate deals.



JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

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© 2002, Argus Hamilton