Jewish World Review Sept. 11, 2003 / 14 Elul, 5763
Argus Hamilton
And now for the
important news ....
http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com |
The Treasury Department will unveil a new twenty-dollar bill
next month. It has a peach background, a lime-green edge and a
blue eagle. You know it's the end of civilization when Andrew
Jackson is the guest on Queer Eye for the Straight Guy.
The NFL said Friday they may reduce the number of exhibition
games. They want to increase player safety. The first serious head
injury of the year was avoided on opening day when Britney Spears
did not try to kiss Aretha Franklin on the lips.
Harrison Ford flew to France Monday to give the Best
Director Oscar to Roman Polanski. He's wanted in America for
statutory rape. It took a lot of courage for an actor who once
played the President of the United States to appear in France.
Arnold Schwarzenegger learned Tuesday he's not doing well
with women voters, so he's considering appearing on the Oprah
Winfrey Show. He still doesn't get it. He believes if he can lift
her over his head it would set a new world's record.
Maria Shriver was chased away from a Wal-Mart in Sacramento
by an angry union mob Tuesday. She won't stand for much more of
this. Maria vowed to love Arnold through sickness and health, but
the priest never mentioned Wal-Marts and Sacramento.
Saudi Arabia banned the Barbie doll from all toy stores in
the kingdom Monday, claiming Barbie is a Jewish doll and is
immoral. Americans are outraged. First the Saudi Arabians attack
the World Trade Center and now they insult Monica Lewinsky.
The Democratic candidates debated at Morgan State University
Tuesday night. They looked terrific. The stage lighting and blue
backdrop made them all look so young that Hillary Clinton might
join the race just to put some romance back into her marriage.
The Democratic candidates had to talk fast during the debate
since there were nine of them. A bell went off when they went over
a minute. The evening wound up sounding like the inside of Troy
Aikman's helmet the Sunday he decided to retire.
The Democratic presidential debate was held inside a huge
auditorium Tuesday in Baltimore. It was interrupted several times
by loud screams from the third balcony. From that distance, John
Kerry looks exactly like the Phantom of the Opera.
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© 2002, Argus Hamilton
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