Jewish World Review June 10, 2002 / 1 Tamuz, 5762
important news ....
http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | England beat Argentina in the World Cup Thursday on a kick by David Beckham. He's a world celebrity who causes a mob scene wherever he goes. He reminds everyone of Bill Clinton, never more than when he is penalized for using his hands.
The White House proposed a Department of Homeland Security Thursday. The reorganization won't affect the FBI, the CIA or the National Security Agency. Apparently, Hear No Evil and See No Evil and Speak No Evil enjoy full civil service protection.
President Bush addressed Iowa farmers at the annual World Pork Expo in Des Moines. The pork fair has its traditions. Every year for the past forty years, the judges have awarded the Best in Show ribbon to the senator from West Virginia.
Donald Rumsfeld flew off to South Asia Friday to try to avert a nuclear war between India and Pakistan. The situation is genuinely dangerous. All the network news anchors have sent their understudies to be there when the bombs start to fall.
The Energy Department warned Friday that the Lawrence Livermore Laboratory in California is insecure. It comes as no surprise to anyone on the West Coast. No matter how well-established you are, there's always a younger, prettier laboratory just waiting to take your place.
The New York Post said Monica Lewinsky was excused from jury duty Friday in Manhattan. It had to happen. The press couldn't spend the whole week glorifying government whistle-blowers without a Monica Lewinsky story on Friday to wrap it up.
The United States soccer team pulled off a huge upset Wednesday, defeating Portugal in the World Cup opening round amid increasing threats of terrorism. Later that day, Saudi Arabia was eliminated by Cameroon. If only it were that easy.
Former CIA Chief Robert Gates was hired Wednesday as the president of Texas A & M. The timing was just terrible. From everything we've learned from the news lately, hiring a CIA guy to run the place is no way to put an end to Aggie jokes.
The World Cup soccer championships are being held all this week at stadiums in Japan and South Korea. So far, attendance hasn't been too good. Everyone in Asia is down in the bomb shelter in case India and Pakistan play to a scoreless tie.
FBI agent Coleen Rowley testified to Congress about FBI ineptitude Thursday. She tracked down SLA fugitive Sarah Olsen, who hid for years posing as a home maker. As a result, Osama bin Laden doesn't miss an episode of Martha Stewart Living.
FBI brass ignored Coleen Rowley's warning on Zacarias Moussaoui while he was in flight school. She said the director is eight bureaucratic layers above her head. The good news is, that makes her eight layers closer to the ground-floor exits.
Firestone was rescued from class action lawsuits Tuesday by a ruling in the U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals in Chicago. The basic problem remains unchanged. Firestone tires may not be selling like hotcakes, but they are riding like hotcakes.