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Jewish World Review August 21, 2002 / 13 Elul, 5762

Argus Hamilton

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Consumer Reports


And now for the
important news ....


http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | The Washington Post says President Bush allowed big campaign donors to stay over in the Lincoln Bedroom. It's nothing new. For ten years, the White House has been the only hotel in America where you have to leave a mint on the pillow for them.

West Nile virus continued its march westward into the Rockies and California Monday. No one knows how many people the mosquitoes will kill but nothing can be done to stop them. Who could have guessed America would be finished off by Manifest Pestiny?

The National Education Association advised teachers not to blame any ethnic group when teaching about the September 11th attacks. It's amazing. This is the first break that white Southerners ever got from the National Education Association.

The Iraqi Congress meeting in Baghdad unanimously endorsed the nomination of Saddam Hussein for another seven-year term as president Monday. What a surprise. An optimist in Iraq is anybody who stays up late to see how the election comes out.

The Automobile Club predicts record highway traffic on Labor Day weekend. It is a holiday where workers get to do nothing except relax and put their feet up. Labor Day celebrates the chance for everybody in America to be a Teamster for a day.

London researchers reported findings Monday on bar room mating rituals. They said the consumption of alcohol causes members of the opposite sex to appear to be more attractive than they really are. That's not a study, that's a warning label.

The Carnegie Mellon Institute announced that their scientists have invented an airport scanner that sees through luggage, walls and clothing. The market for this is obvious. By Christmas, the season's hottest gift could be the Hugh Hefner Home Game.



JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

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© 2002, Argus Hamilton