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Jewish World Review Jan. 10, 2003 / 7 Shevat, 5763

Argus Hamilton

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Consumer Reports


And now for the
important news ....


http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | The U.S. government was sued by nine Northeastern states Wednesday for relaxing air quality standards and causing global pollution. In Japan, vending machines allow people to buy bags of air. Here we elect them and then big business buys them.

New Jersey will sue the NFL for lost revenues over a missed call in Sunday's game, which eliminated the Giants from the playoffs. A lawsuit is the only way that New Jersey can get its money back. The Sopranos are on hiatus until October.

California officials admitted Wednesday they completely lost track of 34,000 sex offenders. However, there are 70,000 sex offenders living in the state who are registered. They are listed in the Los Angeles Yellow Pages under Casting Directors.

Democrats screamed Wednesday after President Bush re- nominated Judge Charles Pickering to the U.S. Court of Appeals. He testified against Ku Klux Klansmen in 1967. Democrats say this proves that at one time, he was in the same room with them.

President Bush signed an extension of unemployment benefits. He said he will help everyone find a job and he proposed a plan to help the economy. This week's presidential vaccination is designed to ward off the bug that did in his dad.

Great Britain quietly began lobbying the White House to delay attacking Iraq until autumn. It's a logistical problem. The more troops we fly into the region, the longer it's going to take to get all those machine guns through airport security.

U.N. inspectors in Iraq said Tuesday they have been totally unable to find any evidence of weapons of mass destruction. They're not cut out for this kind of work. Normally, they spend five minutes searching and then they buy a new golf ball.

Saddam Hussein said through a spokesman Wednesday he won't go into exile but will fight to the bloody end. He's finally met his match. This time Saddam Hussein is up against a Defense Secretary who wears a bracelet inscribed What Would Nixon Do?



JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

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© 2002, Argus Hamilton