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Jewish World Review April 12, 2002 / Rosh Chodesh Iyar, 5762

Argus Hamilton

Hamilton
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Consumer Reports


And now for the
important news ....


http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | New York Mayor Mike Bloomberg Tuesday admitted saying he once smoked pot and liked it. The guy just spent $76 million of his own money to get elected to a job that pays $200,000 a year. So it's true, marijuana really does affect your judgment.

Teddy Kennedy ripped the White House Wednesday for trying to drop $7 billion from the Education Bill. He said that forty percent of high schools seniors are woefully unprepared for college. Many of them haven't even had their first drink yet.

Secretary of State Colin Powell flew to Madrid Wednesday to meet with NATO leaders. He was on his way to Jerusalem after two previous days in Morocco and Egypt. Zig-zagging like this is what got him home from Vietnam safe and sound.

The FAA mailed a regional aviation newsletter to one of the September 11th hijackers. It even included a paragraph on lessons learned from the attacks. The good news is, the post office still delivers to hell for just thirty-four cents.

NFL legend Jim Brown said Tuesday America's racist justice system put him in jail. He was put away last month after his sixth incident involving violence against women. His statue in Afghanistan is the only one the Taliban didn't blow up.

Afghanistan government agents Wednesday ordered farmers to accept money to destroy their poppy crops. It could wipe out the heroin supply. Robert Downey Jr. just wrote an open letter to Osama bin Laden and volunteered to go down with the ship.

Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones opens May 12th. It's got battle scenes, fiery explosions and a fight to the death. The question is, why would anybody pay $10 to see something they could watch every night on the news for free?



JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

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© 2002, Argus Hamilton