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Jewish World Review Sept. 19, 2002 / 13 Tishrei, 5763

Argus Hamilton

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And now for the
important news ....


http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | U.S. and British fighter pilots conducted bombing raids on Iraq air defenses Tuesday. The rest of the world doesn't know what to do. Animal rights groups are prepared to allow the return of fox hunting if it will tranquilize the Anglo-Saxons.

Saddam Hussein was seen on NBC News Sunday firing a shotgun from the balcony of his presidential palace. His skin looks pale and his hands tremble. White House advisers are positive he is suffering from an acute lack of B-52 in his diet.

Saddam Hussein outfoxed the United States Monday by unexpectedly agreeing to President Bush's demands for U.N. inspectors. One man's happy. For forty years, Fidel Castro has been aching to take a vacation but he had nobody to cover for him.

Senator Robert Byrd angered Republicans by holding up the Homeland Security Bill. It transfers power from the legislature to the executive. The Founding Fathers had a word for this kind of legislation, and Robert Byrd was there to hear it.

Wall Street brokerage firm Bear Stearns issued a memo ordering their traders to wear suits, vests and topcoats to work. It's a safety concern. They figure the more pockets you have, the easier it is to misplace Martha Stewart's phone number.

Robert Reich lost the Democratic primary for Massachusetts governor, joining Janet Reno and Al Gore in the political graveyard of the last administration's alumni. They were just too close to Bill Clinton. Hillary didn't make that mistake.

Hillary Clinton swore on Meet the Press Sunday she won't run for president in 2004. It's possible to believe her. Thanks to the past year, politicians now rank above CEOs in public credibility but still trail O.J. Simpson by a wide margin.



JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

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© 2002, Argus Hamilton