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Jewish World Review Dec. 31, 2002 / 26 Teves, 5763

Argus Hamilton

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Consumer Reports


And now for the
important news ....


http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | New York City celebrates the New Year tonight with its annual party in Times Square that includes one million partygoers. At one minute before midnight, a giant glowing ball will descend on the city. At least those are North Korea's plans.

Clonaid CEO Brigitte Boisselier said Friday she has cloned a baby girl. Her group believes a race of space aliens created life on Earth. It left no question that, compared to other cloning laboratories, the scientists at Clonaid have the best weed.

The Coast Guard ordered seventy drone aircraft to patrol coastlines and hunt for terrorists. It could draw protests from the Muslim-American community. These drones have cameras so sharp they can fly over a nude beach and tell your religion.

Jeb Bush and family took a Disney Cruise to the Bahamas Thursday. The cruise business is booming. This year tourists are rejecting long lines at the airport and opting instead for the comparative pleasure of a stomach virus on the high seas.

Hillary Clinton was named Most Admired Woman in America in the annual Gallup poll. She also leads all Democrats for president. As anyone who has seen A Star is Born knows, it's right about now that Bill's drinking begins to get out of control.



JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

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© 2002, Argus Hamilton