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Jewish World Review May 13, 2003 / 11 Iyar, 5763

Argus Hamilton

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And now for the
important news ....


http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | Oklahoma City was hit by tornadoes on both Thursday and Friday. Three hundred landed nationwide. If Martin Sheen wants to make himself useful, he should lead a protest march through Hollywood calling for less violence on the Weather Channel.

Congress agreed Thursday to oversee a new airline security screening system that will collect the financial history of all passengers. It's a dangerous idea. When the government limits First Class to people whose taxes are paid up, planes will be taking off like geese.

Jesse Jackson vowed to protest Alabama hiring Mike Shula as football coach at the state capitol. The school chose a white guy whose father was a legend in the profession. Jesse Jackson insists Al Gore won the coaching job fair and square.

Al Sharpton visited Robert E. Lee's tomb in Virginia. He said he doesn't know how the visit will play in Harlem. More New Yorkers would visit Virginia but the mayor would declare them tax fugitives and they would never be allowed back in.

Saddam Hussein was revealed last week to have ordered $1 billion taken from Baghdad's Central Bank the night before the war started. He wound up disappearing with enough currency to fill three tractor trailers. Who says you can't take it with you? Baghdad had long lines at gas stations all week and inflation soared out of control. Meanwhile, the Ayatollah is back after a twenty-year exile. Iraqis are wearing surgical masks in public to help stem the outbreak of Jimmy Carter Disease.

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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

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© 2002, Argus Hamilton