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Jewish World Review Dec. 3, 2002 / 28 Kislev, 5763

Argus Hamilton

Hamilton
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Consumer Reports


And now for the
important news ....


http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones and Jimmy Johnson shook hands Sunday, ending their eight-year-long feud. It was easier than anybody thought. As soon as Henry Kissinger promised to help each of them build a nuclear reactor, they had a deal.

President Bush canceled federal pay raises Friday, declaring that the United States is in a state of emergency. It's widely believed that terrorists have the means to destroy any downtown in America. Right now they're in a race with Wal-Mart.

President Bush in his Saturday radio address asked Americans to help make the holidays a true season of service for those in need. Things are bad out there. Just yesterday, everybody aboard a United flight to Chicago had to chip in for gas.

The White House named Tom Ridge to head the Homeland Security Department last week in Washington. Now they're looking for a headquarters building. According to federal workplace safety rules, there must be a yellow line down the middle of the hallway so the bureaucrats arriving late don't crash into those who are leaving early.



JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

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© 2002, Argus Hamilton