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Jewish World Review July 10, 2003 / 10 Tamuz, 5763

Argus Hamilton

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And now for the
important news ....


http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | Chicago Cubs manager Dusty Baker said Sunday his fellow blacks play better in the heat because their ancestors were brought here to work in the heat. Reaction was immediate. President Bush apologized in Senegal for ever owning a baseball team.

The U.N. Global Warming Commission warned on Friday the earth's population is facing the warmest summer in one hundred years. Already the effects are being felt. It's so hot in Los Angeles this week that Kobe Bryant is sticking to his story.

Jose Canseco was ordered to remain in jail to await his probation violation hearing for steroid use. He used steroids to boost his power and his career. If he's convicted, he could get four to eight years as the next governor of California.

West Nile virus surfaced in a South Carolina pond on Sunday to begin this summer's plague. You can't make it up. One week after the September 11th attacks the U.S. government grounded all crop dusters, and now we're all going to die of bug bites.

President Bush said Monday he didn't know he was misleading Congress on Iraq or citing false intelligence. He can't win. For years Democrats said he doesn't know anything and now that he admits he didn't know anything, they don't believe him.

Iran test-launched its Shahab-3 missile last week that is able to reach Israel. Iran says they built the rocket and guidance system using their own expertise. So it's just a coincidence that Shahab is the North Korean word meaning This Side Up.

Arkansas resident Terry Wallis came out of a coma after nineteen years this week. He's been completely unconscious since a car crash in 1984. At last there is one person on this planet who thinks there's something new in Hillary Clinton's book.

The Kennedy Curse details John F. Kennedy Jr.'s tragic marriage to Carolyn Bessette. The author says he crashed his plane in the dark because she spent too much time that afternoon getting a pedicure. If this was a novel it would be called Harry Potter and the Wrong Chick.

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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

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© 2002, Argus Hamilton