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Jewish World Review April 10, 2002 / 29 Nisan, 5762

Argus Hamilton

Hamilton
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Consumer Reports


And now for the
important news ....


http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | President Bush was heckled repeatedly by anti-war protesters in Knoxville on Monday. A lot of kids in college become anti-war demonstrators. Who wouldn't want to grow up to someday have a penthouse in Harlem and make $100,000 a speech?

Yasser Arafat ordered the Palestinians holding hostages in the Church of the Nativity to go down fighting. He's ordering bloodshed in the birthplace of Jesus. The question is, what was it the Nobel Peace Prize Committee had against Hitler or Stalin?

The Israelis gave in to White House demands Monday and withdrew from Qalqilya and Tulkarm. They picked these towns for a reason. If President Bush was going to gloat about it, they wanted to make the pronunciation as difficult as possible.

Secretary of State Colin Powell flew to Morocco Monday for peace talks with Middle East leaders. He asked the Moroccan king to try to counsel Yasser Arafat. In America, counseling is automatically given to anybody who's about to be laid off.

Colin Powell's visit to Morocco was picketed Sunday by a million infuriated protesters on the streets of Casablanca. It made him feel young again. The last time he was greeted this warmly by a former French colony, he won the Purple Heart.

The INS said Monday foreign nationals visiting America on tourist visas must return home before they can apply for a student visa and come back. Whose idea was this? You don't want to give everybody two extra plane flights to case the joint.

Hot Springs will ship fifty thousand Bill Clinton trading cards to its sister city of Hanamaki, Japan, Friday. They serve a dual purpose. Depending on whether or not you like the guy, the cards can be used to play either Liar's Poker or Stud.

The Wall Street Journal displayed a brand new front-page design this week. Also the newspaper has added a stock traders' obituary page. On Monday it said one guy died of pneumonia at 68, one guy had cancer at 82, and another guy had Enron at 95.



JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

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© 2002, Argus Hamilton