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Jewish World Review May 9, 2002 / 27 Iyar, 5762

Argus Hamilton

Hamilton
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Consumer Reports


And now for the
important news ....


http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | The Rolling Stones decided Tuesday to land at a New York press conference in a blimp. Unfortunately, the stunt only called attention to their age. Teenagers went berserk when the Rolling Stones first arrived in America aboard the Hindenburg.

Washington National Zoo director Lucy Spelman refused to release panda medical records citing animal privacy rights. It could be a huge scandal. Lucy Spelman is the nation's second- highest ranking zookeeper after House Speaker Denny Hastert.

The White House asked Bill Clinton to fly to East Timor for the independence day of the Asian island nation May 20th. It's no secret why President Bush wants Bill Clinton to go to East Timor. If he goes any further, he will start coming back.

NBC wants Bill Clinton to host a syndicated afternoon talk show beginning in the fall of 2003. It's not an original idea. After ABC had such a huge success with The Bachelor it was inevitable that Bill Clinton would be offered his own show.

President Bush Tuesday renamed the Executive Office Building after President Eisenhower. That's better than any concrete barricade. No terrorist is stupid enough to attack a building named after the guy who launched the invasion of Europe.

President Bush sent CIA agents to the Middle East on Monday to work with the Palestinians. This should be quite a learning experience. If the CIA can learn how to make a shoe bomb, they have got a pair of Nikes with Saddam's name on them.

Minneapolis unveiled a statue of Mary Tyler Moore for her TV role as a 1970s women's icon. She lived in a studio apartment, worked long hours, and all her dates were disasters. She is being honored for being thirty years ahead of her time.



JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

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© 2002, Argus Hamilton