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Jewish World Review Dec. 23, 2002 / 18 Teves, 5763

Argus Hamilton

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And now for the
important news ....


http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | President Bush announced Friday he canceled next month's trip to Africa. It's good news for peace protesters. The war on Iraq is on hold while the president makes time for seventeen consecutive interviews apologizing for disrespecting Africa.

Senator Bill Frist allowed his name to be entered for Senate Majority Leader. He seems like a humane choice. As a trauma surgeon he's the only senator who could remove all the longknives from Trent Lott's back before infection sets in.

Hillary Clinton said Friday Trent Lott's departure doesn't cleanse the GOP of its exploitation of race. She can't escape the segregationist charge herself. She is married to America's first black president, but they live in separate houses.

Jane Fonda was heckled in Jerusalem on Thursday during her tour of Israel to protest violence against women. Her very appearance in the city alarmed Israelis. They had no idea that the Bush Administration regarded Jerusalem as an enemy capital.

The National Enquirer named Bill and Hillary Clinton the year's top tabloid topic. There's hope for Democrats. People may claim they prefer honor and dignity in the White House, but their impulse purchases in the checkout line say otherwise.

Spike Lee told ABC News that Trent Lott is a card-carrying member of the Ku Klux Klan. It wasn't a criticism. Anybody who's made as much money glorifying gang violence as Spike Lee must have a soft spot in his heart for the Ku Klux Klan.

President Bush packaged cans of spinach at a food bank in Washington Thursday to send a little cheer to the poor. A can of spinach is some cheer. The president forgets that a Fourth Wise Man was turned back at the Manger for bringing fruitcake.

President Bush went to Camp David to prepare a Christmas address to a nation preoccupied with segregation, cross burning, smallpox vaccinations and war in North Korea. Time magazine just nominated him for Man of the Year. Unfortunately the year is 1953.

U.N. Chief Inspector Hans Blix said Friday he asked Iraq to provide a complete list of the names and addresses of all Iraqi scientists. It should be easy to get. Surely we have one spy who can get his hands on North Korea's Christmas card list.

Mexican President Vicente Fox pushed President Bush Thursday to add migrant workers to Social Security rolls. It gives Mexicans billions of dollars in U.S. retirement benefits if approved. Ted Williams will freeze over before that happens.

Tom Ridge addressed his Homeland Security employees Monday and vowed to make Washington D.C. a secure location. It's impossible to keep our leaders completely safe from harm. Nobody know how many more birthdays Strom Thurmond is going to have.



JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

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© 2002, Argus Hamilton