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Jewish World Review August 27, 2002 / 19 Elul, 5762

Argus Hamilton

Hamilton
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Consumer Reports


And now for the
important news ....


http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | Texas Rangers star Alex Rodriguez offered Sunday to take a $10 million pay cut if it would help avoid a baseball strike. The guy is such a gamer. He's played before despite broken arms and broken legs, so there's nothing new the union can do to him.

Anna Nicole Smith is a huge hit in her new reality TV series. You can't make it up. Where else but in Los Angeles would the daily life of a bleached blonde with implants and five hundred million dollars be considered reality television?

Science magazine conducted a study showing that female lions prefer male lions with black manes over those with light manes. They even courted a dark-maned lion that was stuffed. It's simply amazing that even after twenty-five years, women still go for the Elvis look.

U.S. Airways allowed a woman with a gun in her carry-on to board a flight Sunday. It was an honest misunderstanding. She told security screeners she was carrying a Magnum, and everybody just assumed it was a bottle of champagne for the pilots.

Scientist Steven Hatfill insisted again Sunday he had nothing to do with the anthrax letters. Meanwhile, police are inspecting every envelope that goes into the Capitol building. Sen. Robert Torricelli doesn't know what he's going to do now for folding money.

The Earth Summit began meeting in Johannesburg Monday to discuss ecological problems plaguing the Earth. They are alarming. At the current rate of global warming, ten years from now, chunks of Ted Williams will start breaking into the sea.

Who's Who in America published its annual edition on Sunday and Bill Clinton's bio was fifty lines shorter than Hillary Clinton's bio. It's terrible news for comedy. Fifty lines is what broke up Desi and Lucy.



JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

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© 2002, Argus Hamilton