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Jewish World Review Nov. 8, 2002 / 3 Kislev, 5763

Argus Hamilton

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Consumer Reports


And now for the
important news ....


http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | General Mills announced Wednesday they will close their frozen bakery goods plant in Minneapolis. It's no secret why. If the Democrats had only known that Walter Mondale was toast, they never would have thawed him out in the first place.

Republican Norm Coleman beat Walter Mondale in the Senate race in Minnesota. The state thinks of itself as highly progressive. Not only do Minnesota schools teach Darwin, the governor is the third guy from the left on the evolutionary chart.

Broward County found 104,000 votes on Wednesday morning that they neglected to count Tuesday due to computer error. It's a holiday tradition. Every other Thanksgiving, Floridians gather around the dinner table and recount their blessings.

South Dakota faces a recount after its Senate race ended in a near-tie amid charges of vote fraud. It's great for tourism. Who in a million years would have believed South Dakota could advertise itself as having the same climate as Florida?

Ohio former Congressman Jim Traficant received fifteen percent of the vote Tuesday while running from prison. He gets a lot of sympathy. His wife was running her fingers through his hair the other night and decided to give him a call.

United Airlines reached agreement with its pilots Monday for reduced pay and benefits. There was give and take on both sides. In return, the pilots will be allowed a total of three attempts to touch their noses before entering the cockpits.

The White House admitted Wednesday the SEC top job will take months to fill. The new chairman must have unquestioned integrity, and public confidence, and honesty. Until President Bush approves cloning, no one knows where to begin to look.



JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

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© 2002, Argus Hamilton