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Jewish World Review June 28, 2002 / 18 Tamuz, 5762

Argus Hamilton

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Consumer Reports


And now for the
important news ....


http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | WorldCom admitted Tuesday hiding $4 billion in losses from shareholders. How bad is the heat on CEOs? This morning, Martha Stewart stood on the steps of the New York Stock Exchange and led her legal defense team in the Pledge of Allegiance.

Members of Congress stood outside and recited the Pledge of Allegiance after it was declared illegal. The next step is unclear. No one knows if the ruling can be overturned because the decision is so stupid it can't be given the death penalty.

The U.S. Capitol received 20,000 gas masks Wednesday for Members of Congress and the Senate and staffers to wear in case of attack. The timing couldn't be worse. The gas masks arrived just as the gas bags left town for the July 4th recess.

Vladimir Putin is at the G-8 Summit trying to persuade the U.S. to give him $10 billion so he can decommission Russia's nuclear weapons. There's a reason why it costs so much. He wants to convert the missiles into a passenger railroad system.

The White House said Wednesday Amtrak won't be shut down. Officials say they will find a way to balance the books and keep the doors open. It sounds like we just found out where Arthur Andersen will be performing its community service hours.

The Weather Channel forecast no rain over the Western wildfires Tuesday. New Mexico is unable to breathe. The smoke from the Arizona fires mixes with sulfur from Texas oil wells and forms an atmospheric condition scientists call Los Angeles.

Bill Clinton played a dice game with kids in a Latino school in New York on National Service Day. The teacher panicked when she walked into the class and saw the kids on their knees shooting dice. She thought for a minute they were praying.



JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

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© 2002, Argus Hamilton