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Jewish World Review Nov. 19, 2002 / 14 Kislev, 5763

Argus Hamilton

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And now for the
important news ....


http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | Jesse Jackson threatened to protest at the Masters if Augusta National doesn't admit women members. He's being unreasonable. Every organization can't be as open to women as Jesse Jackson is, or the paternity suits would put them out of business.

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets did an incredible $87 million at the box office from its Friday opening through Sunday. Even Wall Street is impressed. It's the most money you can make in one weekend without a smoker's cough and a Florida jury.

The London Times reports that Saddam Hussein has made secret plans to take his family and his oil money and move to Libya. It's an old sitcom premise. The only question is, will Granny have her rocking chair tied to the top of the cargo plane.

U.N. Inspector Hans Blix set up offices in a Baghdad hotel Monday. His mission didn't start off well. He was nearly scalded to death in the shower when Saddam Hussein chose that exact moment to flush his weapons of mass destruction down the toilet.

Inspections chief Hans Blix admitted to CBS' 60 Minutes Sunday that he was the 24th choice for the job in Iraq. His credentials are nonetheless impeccable. Hans Blix has never searched for weapons of mass destruction, but he did stay in a Holiday Inn Express last night.

North Korea announced Sunday it has a nuclear bomb and al- Qaeda threatened to attack New York again. Meanwhile, six U.S. aircraft carriers are in formation in the Persian Gulf. What person in this country wouldn't welcome a really big sex scandal right now?

Al-Jazeera TV reported Sunday that al-Qaeda is threatening to attack America again. The threat was in response to the capture of al-Qaeda leader Al-Zawahri. The question is, how can the Democrats nominate Al Anything in 2004 and expect to win?

Bill Clinton hit a spectator with a golf shot for the third time in one year Friday in California. His Secret Service agents are set for life. In addition to all the royalties they will receive for the tell-all book, they also get combat pay.



JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

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© 2002, Argus Hamilton