Jewish World Review June 23, 2003 / 20 Sivan, 5763
Argus Hamilton
And now for the
important news ....
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The Aladdin Hotel in Las Vegas became Planet Hollywood
Casino after the bankruptcy sale was approved Friday. The hotel
has an Arab theme. The last time Hollywood went this deep into the
Arab world, it was riding on a camera dolly behind Peter O'Toole.
Southern California saw a spectacular runaway freight train
crash Friday. No one was killed. The cause is under investigation,
but the front window of the locomotive had a hole in it the exact
size of an engineer holding a cellphone.
President Bush attended a fundraiser at Reynolds Plantation
in Georgia. This could be trouble. Jesse Jackson is just dying to
know how Republicans raised two million dollars in one hour on a
Georgia plantation without holding a slave auction.
General Wesley Clark and Senator Joe Biden hinted Friday
they might join the race for president. This would clutter the
field with eleven Democrats. To gain an edge with touch-screen
voters, John Kerry wants to change his name to Quick Cash.
Iyman Faris of India was jailed for plotting to blow up the
Brooklyn Bridge. He shouldn't get the death penalty. Hindus
believe in reincarnation and Americans don't want to give him the
opportunity to come back in his next life as a prairie dog.
Max Factor heir Andrew Luster was flown to California from
Mexico on Thursday to go to jail. He slipped date rape drugs to
women and videotaped them. He faces a hundred years in prison
under California law for impersonating a casting director.
California Governor Gray Davis faces a near-certain recall
election in September. Anybody in the state who pays the filing
fee can run for governor. So if Robert Blake agrees to run on his
record of making problems disappear, he can sign his own pardon.
Tony Blair was accused in Parliament of exaggerating the
threat by Iraq. His opponents say he sexed-up the evidence. They
know if Saddam Hussein was really holding Halle Berry hostage,
Bill Clinton would have started the war three years ago.
Hillary Clinton last week went on the South Beach Diet. She
is preparing for the battle of her life. Abe Lincoln had John
Wilkes Booth, Jack Kennedy had Lee Harvey Oswald, and any woman
who becomes president has the White House pastry chef.
Hillary Clinton hosted a book signing party in Bethesda
Monday. She just set a book sales record. Hillary Clinton is so
popular that President Bush decided to guarantee his re-election
by introducing health care reform that is sure to fail.
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© 2002, Argus Hamilton
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