Jewish World Review July 24, 2002 /15 Menachem-Av, 5762
important news ....
http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | Boston paid tribute to the great Ted Williams on Monday night at Fenway Park, where he played during his entire career. They could never forget him now. He has his own special locker in the clubhouse and the light comes on when you open the door.
Allen Iverson was cheered at a charity softball game in Philadelphia Sunday. He's been charged with illegal handgun possession, making terrorist threats, and assault. He's completed every requirement for enrollment in Florida flight schools.
Ernie Els of South Africa won the British Open Sunday at Muirfield. Officials of the all-male club handed the trophy to a guy from the last nation on earth to sanction white supremacy. Whenever G-d gives Democrats a bad week, it lasts the entire seven days.
Democrats ripped Republicans Friday for having no prescription drug plan and Republicans blasted Democrats for stalling on Homeland Security. The Statue of Truth in the Capitol Rotunda is not a very good depiction. It has no stretch marks.
The White House said Friday that anthrax field tests were not as reliable as first thought. Caution is the byword. When the mail was delivered Monday, more than a few Americans nearly died when they opened one envelope and saw their 401-Ks.
WorldCom filed for Chapter Eleven bankruptcy protection late Sunday night in New York. The company's stock is now virtually worthless. Anymore, if a Wall Street investor says this is his bridge night, he could mean either cards or jumping.
WorldCom's bankruptcy Sunday was the largest in U.S. history. The company has 85,000 employees, 20 million customers and $30 billion in debt. The collapse was so spectacular that the Taliban just telephoned Don Rumsfeld and pleaded for mercy.
Wall Street opened Monday with investors terrified of the unknown. On a good day, there are more pigeons on the ledge than investors. The difference between a pigeon and an investor is that a pigeon can still make a deposit on a new Mercedes.
Senate Democrats are finishing up a bill that would jail CEOs for corporate wrongdoing. Two years ago, these CEOs gave the lawmakers a fortune, and now the Democrats want to toss them in jail. It's another confirmed case of Cash Cow Disease.
Democratic U.S. Rep. James Traficant vowed Friday he will run for Congress this fall and serve from prison if sentenced there. It would work out fine. Congress and prison are just alike in that tobacco is the coin of the realm in both institutions.
Newsweek says President Bush could face an erosion of confidence in his leadership despite his high approval rating. Last week, he was beset with higher deficits, war in the Middle East, and sliding stock values. All anyone could say was, Son of a Bush.