Jewish World Review Feb. 18, 2003 / 16 Adar I, 5763
important news ....
http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | Russia and China joined U.N. opposition to U.S. and British calls for war Friday. NATO is breaking up and Americans want to fight France and boycott German goods. It's becoming more and more obvious that Friends is in its final season everywhere.
Saddam Hussein said Friday he will repel the Crusaders in defense of Iraq. It was reported that Baghdad residents are preparing shelters and stockpiling food. It's good to know that somebody is taking Tom Ridge's terrorist warnings seriously.
President Bush's approval rating took a plunge on Monday. The citizenry is in line for duct tape, the stock market is tanking, and France is getting standing ovations at the United Nations. No one wants to say Hillary is looming, but she just called a press conference to announce that she's completely free of prostate cancer.
Ohio U.S. Rep. Dennis Kucinich said Monday he will run for president. There are way too many Democrats. This year at the Iowa debates, the candidates will be seated in the audience and the interested voters will take the five chairs onstage.
Clara Harris got twenty years in a Texas prison Friday for killing her husband by repeatedly running over him in her Mercedes Benz. Prison guards say she's so upset they put her on a twenty- four hour suicide watch. They took away her car keys.
Pope John Paul II greeted Iraq's Tariq Aziz at the Vatican on Friday. They called for peace. Iraq is a secular country, but religion is considered very important there ever since Saddam Hussein accepted Hans Blix as his personal savior.
President Bush called for AIDS relief to Africa Tuesday. He's already raised tariffs, extended unemployment benefits and signed a job creation bill. If he acts any more like a Democrat, he's going to start stealing roles away from Alec Baldwin.
Senator John Kerry was criticized Friday for lying to the Boston Globe about the state of his health. He claimed he had no medical problems ten days before he was forced to admit he had prostate cancer. That Hans Blix doesn't miss a thing.
The U.N. Security Council held a stormy session Friday in which China and Russia joined Germany and France to oppose the U.S., Britain, Australia and Canada. Now there are all kinds of problems. The brackets alone are enough to tempt Pete Rose to bet on geopolitics.
Wall Street faltered Thursday amid investor fears of a new Persian Gulf War. Crude oil prices hit a two-year high while stocks plunged ever lower. A new chain of hotels catering to business customers just opened called the Sheraton Park Bench.
NBC News said Monday the population growth rate is declining in America. The experts cite two reasons. Not only are more women using birth control, but for the last two years, there's been less pressure on men to keep up with the president.
The House Judiciary Committee sent a cloning ban bill to the floor for a February 25th vote Thursday. This should make for great comedy. Don't miss it when four hundred white guys wearing blue suits and red ties vote unanimously to ban cloning.
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