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Jewish World Review August 20, 2002 / 12 Elul, 5762

Argus Hamilton

Hamilton
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Consumer Reports


And now for the
important news ....


http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | Fox Sports promoted Troy Aikman to the network's top broadcast team for NFL games this fall. He retired last year from Dallas after eight concussions. His progress in the booth has been rapid, but everyone agrees he'll need another three or four concussions before he's as good as Terry Bradshaw.

Celera Genomics' former president claimed progress on genetic decoding Sunday. His successful tests on animal mutations are giving hope to a lot of people. Hillary Clinton has been told all her life that she will be elected president when pigs fly.

Hillary Clinton gave a speech Friday that ripped President Bush for refusing to spend $5 billion allotted by Congress for Homeland Security. She's coming along. This is the first time she's ever criticized the president without a lamp in her hand.

American Airlines banned dangerous dogs aboard flights Friday after a cargo hold incident caused a scare. There may be a trace of ethnic profiling going on here. The list includes Rottweilers, Schnauzers, Dobermans, and aggressive Dachshunds.

Israeli officials said Sunday they're distributing anthrax vaccines nationwide in case of attack. Residents aren't very confident. Their problem is, no matter how many precautions you take, some letters from New Jersey are bound to get through.

Nation of Islam's Louis Farrakhan campaigned Sunday for Rep. Cynthia McKinney in Georgia and defended her outlandish statements about the September 11th attack. He himself lost four friends that day. There was Abdul, Mohammed, Waleed and Fayez.

The Rolling Stones kicked off their 2002 tour with a concert in Toronto Saturday night. This tour promises to make a ton of money. Expenses are negligible, especially when you consider it only costs $11.96 to feed the four of them at Denny's every morning.



JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

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© 2002, Argus Hamilton