Jewish World Review May 21, 2003 / 19 Iyar, 5763
Argus Hamilton
And now for the
important news ....
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Baghdad newsstands were reported Monday to be selling out of
a new tabloid called Assaah. It's been decades since they had a
free press. The newsstands also offer the New York Times, but the
Iraqi people are sick of reading official lies every day.
New York Times former reporter Jayson Blair checked into a
rehab for cocaine use after getting fired for plagiarism. His
friends are relieved. Apparently Jayson Blair is the kind of guy
who would steal your dope then help you look for it.
Adolf Hitler: the Origins of Evil was shown on the CBS
Sunday Night Movie in a huge ratings gamble. NBC counter-
programmed with Law and Order. Law and Order beat Hitler,
providing the first solid evidence that the War on Terrorism is working.
Jack Kennedy was exposed in An Unfinished Life by historian
Robert Dallek to be a serial womanizer who had affairs with
starlets, mob dolls and teen interns. He was also glamorous,
funny, articulate, poetic, courageous and inspiring. Still, the
more we learn about Jack Kennedy, the less surprised we are that
his back hurt.
Alabama Governor Bob Riley proposed a tax increase to offset
the huge budget deficits. He may lay off three thousand teachers.
State workers are so worried about being fired that Alabama's new
football coach won't even shop at a strip mall.
The Pentagon admitted Monday al-Qaeda prisoners are being
subjected to eight straight hours of the theme song from Barney.
Talk about making more bin Ladens. The exact same experience has
driven more than one parent to want to blow something up.
Democrat Dick Gephardt spoke in Iowa Monday and laid out his
case for health care reform. He said catchy, feel-good television
commercials are causing patients to pressure doctors for
unnecessary drugs. Lately millions of senior citizens have been
flooding into medical buildings demanding prescriptions for Coors Light.
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© 2002, Argus Hamilton
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