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Jewish World Review July 12, 2002 /3 Menachem-Av, 5762

Argus Hamilton

Hamilton
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Consumer Reports


And now for the
important news ....


http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | Major League Baseball's All-Star Game ended in a tie Tuesday when both teams ran out of pitchers after eleven innings. Not everyone is angry. Like they say on the Jerry Springer Show, a tie is like kissing your sister, it's just that good.

President Bush was photographed at church with his father in Kennebunkport Sunday. The family resemblance is amazing. If you look really closely, you can see the president has his father's recession, his father's Middle East conflict, and he is beginning to develop his father's riot in Los Angeles over a police beating.

NBA star Allen Iverson faced possible charges Thursday for threatening a man with a handgun in a recent late-night spree. What was he thinking? In this country, you can't drink and carry a weapon and threaten people's lives without a commercial pilot's license.

The House voted Wednesday to allow all seventy thousand commercial pilots to carry guns. Terrific idea. If pilots carry guns, maybe guys like Frank Gifford and Gary Condit won't hit on any flight attendants they wouldn't be willing to marry.

California Assembly Democrats grilled Ross Perot at energy hearings Thursday. They accused him of raping California's energy market by helping power companies manipulate prices. Democrats have a lot of nerve claiming they're for the little guy.

Governor Jeb Bush named the grandson of Cuban dictator Fulgencio Batista to the Florida Supreme Court. It highlights the Cuban refugee dilemma. Since O.J. Simpson moved to South Florida, over twenty thousand Cubans have swum back to Havana.

Bill Clinton taped an appearance Thursday on MTV's Worldwide Forum for Young People. He looked relaxed for a reason. The British government just moved to legalize marijuana use, and for the first time since he left Oxford, he could finally exhale.



JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

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© 2002, Argus Hamilton